Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
