I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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