I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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