Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
