Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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