covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
