It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
