dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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