It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
