Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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