sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
