im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
