Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
