Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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