she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
