We're facebook friends in real life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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