your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
