too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bring me that man meat
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
