It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
