i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
