I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
