Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
