i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
