Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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