I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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