remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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