What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
