If i come over, it means nothing
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
