I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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