Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
