i jhust puked up my retainher.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
