he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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