Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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