4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How's work?
Spinning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
