We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They have beer where we have blood.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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