Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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