im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
