I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
