He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
