at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
