Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
