Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
