Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
