genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
