moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
