Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
