So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
