he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
