i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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