i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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