Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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