I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
