How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
